It’s been raining in Chennai for the past month. I mention this like a big deal, because it is. And I love it. Everything is so gloomy, dark and cold that you get the typical Forks vibe. *that reference might be lost on you if you haven’t seen twilight. And i’m sorry for you*
Just like how I feel. You sit there on a Sunday morning in your bedroom, with the balcony doors wide open, listening to the rain dance around your window sill and letting in occasional drizzles when the wind feels like it. And you write.
I don’t have anything on my mind. And I don’t have anything in my heart either. That’s precisely the problem. When you push everyone around you, and later end up feeling…. no, I wouldn’t call this ‘lonely‘. I created this. I placed myself in this black-hole. I wanted this so bad, and now that I’ve got it, I try to run away. Again.
Earlier this week, my friend told me something. That she isn’t happy. She’s got the job that she wanted, has all the salary for herself but doesn’t know what to do, has a loving family and friends to hang out with. But nothing gives her real happiness or the feeling of being content. I was struck so hard when she said this, cause I thought I was the only one. I realize I need a Purpose to live, a target to get to, a goal to achieve. To be my driving force. But I just feel so exhausted and drained and empty. Yes, I’m not lonely, I’m empty.
Do you feel like this way too? How do you cope during these dark-phases? Or if you are a particularly cheerful person, please do send some love 🙂 x